jueves, 10 de septiembre de 2009

Coyuntura superada


-Todas las instituciones caritativas que me han auxiliado en la vida me han dejado un mal sabor en la boca. Sobre mí no sólo se ha ejercido la caridad institucional sino también la particular. Usted sabe, un individuo libre (o que se cree libre) me procura bienes tales como comida, dinero, atención. Esta forma de la caridad es más confusa que la institucional y puede tener graves consecuencias. Me refiero a esas consecuencias que persisten convirtiéndolo a uno en un individuo que ha dado un paso en cierta dirección y ya no puede volver atrás. Un individuo que ha sido modificado. Muchas víctimas de la caridad no saben que lo son, yo, por ejemplo, antes no lo sabía. Creía que tenía amigos, amantes y familiares que actuaban por amor o por compasión. Ignoraba que ellos mismos eran objeto de la caridad en su forma, digamos, activa. La caridad, usted sabe, no es sólo una función bien delimitada, sino sobre todo una fuerza libre (ella sí es libre) que actúa a su antojo. Entre los benefactores también hay quienes saben que están ejerciendo la caridad y otros que no tienen ni idea.
Mientras yo daba este breve discurso alguien que estaba sentado a mi lado y que amablemente me había invitado a compartir su mesa me preguntó que por qué no trabajaba, por qué no me ganaba por mi cuenta estos beneficios y evitaba así todas esas conjeturas de mal gusto. Algo en mí retrocedió al oír esta pregunta. Caí de pronto en un nublado día de infancia. Yo estaba en un jardín al lado de un perro, en mi mano derecha sostenía una galleta. El perro y yo éramos en ese entonces la misma cosa pues en nosotros todavía no había ocurrido el reconocimiento del otro, así que constituíamos un solo ser al que incómodamente venía a añadirse el jardín. No incluyo la galleta en este único ser porque fue el elemento que dio pie a que el perro, el jardín y yo comenzáramos a ser cosas distintas. El perro mordió la galleta produciendo en mí un chillido. Y ese fue el momento decisivo: el perro y yo aparecimos nítidamente diferenciados (el jardín aún era borroso (y lo seguiría siendo)), demarcados por un límite: la galleta, que cayó de mi mano y se hundió en la maleza. Cual no sería nuestra sorpresa al encontrarnos uno frente a otro. El perro masticaba el pedacito de galleta que había conseguido morder, poniendo en ello ese empeño que ponen los perros cuando tienen que masticar algo de poca o nula consistencia. Luego tragó repetidas veces como si no se resignara al hecho de que no había nada que tragar. Finalmente aceptó su derrota. El quería comportarse como un perro normal ya desde el primer instante de su aparición particularizada. Quería fingir que no pasaba nada de índole más trascendente, que no estábamos en un hito histórico (luego, a lo largo de mi vida encontraría muchos seres, sobre todo humanos, con esta necesidad de fingir que no pasa nada), pero yo lo observaba con una solemnidad irresistible, y tuvo que ceder. Había llegado la hora y él lo sabía. Durante el resto de la tarde, sumergidos en ese jardín nublado que tenía la bondad de contenernos, el perro y yo nos miramos poseídos de la enorme nostalgia del uno. Llegada la noche, una sombra se aproximó y nos llevó al interior de la casa. Cuando volví de este recuerdo vi que mi interpeladora me hacía gestos de impaciencia. ¿Iba yo o no a contestar su pregunta?
Nos hallábamos en una hermosa terraza junto del mar, en una especie de cafetería salvaje atendida por un camarero muy flaco, vestido de negro, con una enmarañada cabellera. El aspecto dostovieskiano de este hombre, que llevaba una bandeja redonda y plateada muy por encima de su cabeza, con una botella de vino blanco y unas copas alargadas que temblaban ligeramente a su paso, distrajo mi atención de ese molesto personaje, una anciana con acento argentino que tenía a mi lado. La miserable espiritualidad del camarero me recordaba... Pero la anciana que me acompañaba no estaba dispuesta a permitirme otra ausencia de la conversación, así que me interpeló bruscamente.
-¿Vas a contestarme o no? ¿Qué necesidad tenés de depender de instituciones benéficas? Podés trabajar.
-¿Trabajar? pregunté, fingiendo una desmesurada sorpresa. No entiende usted nada por lo visto.
-¿Qué es lo que no entiendo? Explicámelo a ver si lo entiendo.
-¿Explicar? volví a preguntar, con el mismo estupor.
-Sí, explicar -dijo, desafiante. Vi que levantaba el puño y lo dejaba caer sobre la mesa, en un movimiento no del todo acorde con su aspecto menudo y desamparado. Era un puño pequeño, frágil, muy blanco, con algunos toques azules. Vi como se estrellaba contra la mesa, que no era más que un pedazo de hierro oxidado, un trozo de buque, pensé, que había naufragado siglos atrás en esa costa, no sin razón llamada Costa de la Muerte. Esto produjo un estallido en mi cabeza, como si el puño de la anciana fuera de vidrio y se hubiera roto en mil pedazos. Del mismo vidrio, me dije, que utilizan para fabricar los parabrisas de los automóviles. Vidrio granulado, o algo así. Pero esta digresión, ya tan trivial, convirtió la impaciencia de la vieja en ira. Con los ojos llameantes abrió la boca para insultarme, pero las palabras no le salieron. En ese instante el camarero depositó las copas y la botella de vino sobre nuestra mesa. La anciana empezó a toser y en cuanto el camarero llenó un tercio o menos de su copa para que probara el vino, se la bebió de un golpe y exigió más, como si no conociera la costumbre de catar el vino y considerara que la cantidad que se le había servido era fruto de la tacañería.
Entonces me di cuenta de lo que ocurría, o mejor debería decir: de algo de lo que ocurría, porque la realidad es siempre demasiado dispendiosa y la relación entre los infinitos elementos que la componen no necesariamente existe de manera constante (o no siempre está explícita, hasta el punto de que a veces se sospecha que tal relación o vínculo se ha perdido para siempre). Me di cuenta, digo, de que aunque el camarero respondió de inmediato a la solicitud de la anciana lo hizo con una lentitud extraordinaria. Extraordinaria porque no se podía decir que hubiera perdido un segundo, no se le podía acusar de no estar concentrado en su trabajo, por el contrario, no parecía existir para este hombre nada más que su trabajo. Me lo figuré incluso incapaz de pensar en otra cosa. El y su acto de servir el vino que se le exigía eran sólo uno, y sin embargo, el mismo vino, como si congeniara con su gesto, tardaba en salir de la boca de la botella y se demoraba en el corto trayecto que mediaba hasta el recipiente de la anciana. Esta empuñó la copa y la levantó, acercándola al orificio de la botella, como para abreviar el trayecto. Se imaginó que el hombre no inclinaba suficientemente la botella y emitió un gruñido. Pero la inclinación era la adecuada y el vino no respondió a su impaciencia. Tardó aún unos segundos en llenar la copa hasta los bordes, como si se tratara de un líquido espeso.
Cuando el camarero se retiró, la anciana le dedicó varios comentarios desagradables. Pero yo estaba al tanto de su impecabilidad y sabía que aquel hombre cumplía una función, aunque no llegaba a representarme muy bien cuál. Función retardadora, murmuré, llevándome la copa a los labios.
-¿Qué decís? -me preguntó la anciana en medio de sus toses.
-Salud -dije.
-Salud -respondió-, y ahora contestame.
Perdimos la tarde en una discusión encarnizada y vulgar. Nos costaba tragar el vino, que seguía impregnado del espíritu retardador del camarero, y a medida que éste iba invadiendo nuestro sistema nervioso, nos volvíamos torpes, irascibles.
-No me importa lo que usted piense, le dije, para mí es obvio que yo no podría sobrevivir a no ser por las instituciones benéficas, ya sean manifiestas u ocultas. Usted me pregunta por qué no trabajo, lo cual me da la medida de su incomprensión. El problema hay que encararlo de otro modo: yo trabajo, por eso dependo de las instituciones benéficas.
-¿Qué clase de trabajo hacés? -preguntó con una mueca burlona.
-No lo sé, no a ciencia cierta, pero sé que trabajo mucho.
La vieja estalló en una carcajada despectiva. No lo sabe a ciencia cierta, aulló triunfante, y dio unas pataditas en el suelo como para reforzar su deleite. Un segundo después, como si se arrancara una máscara, se puso seria:
-El trabajo es algo concreto, aseguró.
Fui yo entonces quien se vio invadido por una risa histérica. Algo concreto, exclamé, sintiendo que se me congestionaban los conductos lagrimales y que se me nublaba de gozo chillón el agradable paisaje soleado con las olas rompiendo interminablemente contra los peñascos y la playa.
El sonido de un trueno me sacó de este estado de divina imbecilidad. Me enderecé en mi asiento, una silla de plástico color amarillo lavado, me sequé las lágrimas y me asombré ante el increíble espectáculo que se me presentaba. Una tormenta había ocupado de manera brutal el espacio. Lo que se dice, comenté, una tormenta acaba de personificarse.
-¿Qué dijiste? -gritó la anciana, tratando de proteger la botella de los embates del viento.
No tuvimos tiempo de protegernos. Antes de que pudiéramos levantarnos de la silla la lluvia cayó sobre nosotros y nos empapó en un instante. Comenzamos a correr hacia la casucha donde el camarero, de pie, nos observaba con aire preocupado. Vimos cómo se agachaba detrás del bar y sacaba un paraguas. Lo abrió y se dirigió hacia nosotros dando zancadas. Nosotros también corríamos, o lo intentábamos, pero la anciana tropezaba a cada paso y yo me veía obligado a levantarla. No se oía nada a causa de los truenos, el viento y los latigazos de la lluvia que cambiaba de dirección y nos zarandeaba de un lado al otro, pero me pareció que la vieja lloraba. Al final decidí que lo más práctico era llevarla cargada, en vista de que se caía a cada instante, y además, no pesaba nada. Avancé con ella en los brazos hacia el camarero. Se puede decir que este venía a toda velocidad y en línea recta con su paraguas abierto, un modelo viejo en forma de hongo, y que él, a diferencia de nosotros, parecía inmune a los efectos de la tormenta, pero aún así, nunca llegaba. Por momentos todo se ponía blanco y brillante a causa de los rayos que caían a pocos metros de distancia. Pocos metros de distancia, me dije, sí, eso era lo que había entre el camarero y nosotros y entre el camarero y la zona techada que éste acababa de abandonar. No había por qué preocuparse. Y sin embargo era incapaz de tomar la dirección correcta, pues la tormenta me obligaba a ir hacia otro lado con la anciana desmayada de miedo en los brazos. Varias veces sentí que una corriente eléctrica me subía por las piernas y me causaba un cosquilleo enloquecedor en el cerebro. Otras veces esos latigazos de furia eléctrica se ramificaban por mis brazos y sacudían la cabeza azulada y rala de la anciana haciendo brotar de su boca una espuma invisible, pues las ráfagas de agua borraban de inmediato todo rastro de ella. Cuando el camarero por fin nos alcanzó noté que a pesar de su delgadez era extremadamente fuerte. Sus brazos me sostenían con energía y me guiaban con mi frágil carga hacia el bar, impidiendo los desvíos y las sacudidas involuntarias. La lentitud le daba una superioridad muy grande con respecto a mí, pues le permitía evitar todo movimiento brusco y atropellado. Un paso antes de alcanzar la casucha miré el mar. Era un paisaje negro y agresivo como un mamarracho. Las columnas de agua plomiza se alzaban hasta el cielo y caían oblicuamente como si fueran de piedra destrozándose en mil pedazos. Pero en una esquina de esta espantosa pintura viviente había un remanso, donde las olas, aunque gigantescas, seguían siendo olas. Allí vislumbré la cabecita de un perro que nadaba hacia la costa. De más está decir que este perro estaba perdido. Sin embargo sentí el ridículo impulso de salvarlo y de arrojarme al mar sin perder tiempo, ni siquiera el tiempo que me tomaría desprenderme del cuerpo inerme de la anciana. El camarero me lo impidió, afortunadamente. Pero antes mantuvimos una lucha extraña entre dos registros de velocidad muy diferentes, el mío, rápido y errático, el suyo, lento y racional. Esta cabecita de perro se convirtió para mí en la viva imagen del desconsuelo y durante los largos y aburridos días que duró mi recuperación me asaltaba junto con el angustioso impulso de arrojarme al mar desde la terraza para ir en su ayuda. Mucho después noté que esta imagen había dejado en mí una huella quizás imborrable. No importaba cuán amplia o estrecha fuera la perspectiva de mi visión, ni qué estuviera contemplando, ni siquiera importaba si estaba dormido o despierto, siempre, si me fijaba bien, en una esquina del paisaje subsistía la temblorosa cabecita del perro naufrago.
El camarero, como yo sospechaba, resultó ser una excelente persona, cuidó de mí todo el verano, mientras la cabecita del perro que yo no había salvado fue ocupando espacios temporales más cortos, hasta reducirse a instantáneas que cruzaban mi mente (y siguen cruzándola al pasar de los años) tres o cuatro veces al día. Cuando nos despedimos no sentí ese mal sabor en la boca que me dejaba la caridad anteriormente, en realidad no sentí nada, y esto fue para mí lo que se dice una coyuntura superada.

69 comentarios:

Nuni Sarmiento dijo...

Borrador encontrado en lo más recóndito de mi disco duro y fechado en septiembre del 2003.

Anónimo dijo...

Vos podés quebrar en diez mil pedazos al mejor plantado. Este cuento golpea el alma con tanto dramatismo y fuerza como la mejor de las sonatas de Beethoven....con sus amables segmentos de belleza y dulzura humana...con sus cambios de energía muy bien conducidos...con fortaleza, pero sin brusquedad ni torpeza....para concluirlo en una cadencia sorpredente, impecable y redentora. El que lo lea no tendrá la manera de evitar "quedarse tocado para siempre"...Touche.

Ana Flora dijo...

no encuentro mejores palabras o más ciertas que las de mi antecesora comentarista, señora, qué odisea, qué pasmosa aventura ha sonsacado usted de esos duros discos polvorientos, no quiero ni pensar en el resto de los tesoros escondidos en el interior de ese cavernícola gruñón egoísta y pudoroso que nos priva de alucinantes travesías. Como decía el o la anónima esto es una sinfonía sísmica convulsionante, tiene tantas cosas y tan bien hiladas hacia su desencadenamiento, oh, un final feliz, pero qué historia sorpresa, qué hermosura, qué alarmante y todo con esa conversa delicada y moderada, la mucho congratulo, ahora tengo que volver a leerlo, gracias gracias, qué disparate.

Anónimo dijo...

He leído los anteriores comentarios antes de hacer el mío y encuentro que ya son lo suficientemente expresivos como para suscribirse a ellos. Coyuntura superada es el tipo de relato que me encanta de Nuni Sarmiento, sí, despiadadamente irónico, despiadadamente tierno, despiadadamente ácido. La atmósfera es alucinante. El asunto de la caridad muy cierto y "superado". El perrito ¡ay el perrito budista de Nuni Sarmiento que siempre es tan, tan, tan sensa parole. El camarero con su tempo adagio. Y esa voz argentina, ¡qué argentina y oxidada! como la herrumbre de la mesa. ¿Quién ha osado bipolarizar a una artista tan multipolarizante?

Yo también necesito volver a leerlo, no quiero que se me vaya el buen sabor de la boca."

Keta Dam

Anónimo dijo...

Me encanto el cuento. Me tarde mucho en leerlo como cuando me como un postre que no quiero que se termine. Tambien me gustaron los comentarios.. Mas, "la Coyuntura Superada" me queda muy claro que esta totalmente superada... aunque el recuerdo del perro me quede siempre en la memoria junto con el resto de los personajes!! S.

Anónimo dijo...

Lo vovi a leer... Me resulto totalmente nuevo! Es realmente una maravilla con "melodia propia" Gracias!! S.

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